A Covenant Prayer

•January 4, 2015 • 8 Comments

Today many in The Methodist Church will be sharing in a Covenant Service. It’s almost like an annual renewal of marriage vows – with God.

As part of that, we will pray the Covenant Prayer – powerful, challenging stuff:

I am no longer my own but yours.

I have thrown my lot in with you Lord, It’s no longer about me, it’s about us.  Who you are and what you are going to do in and through me.  I’m not brilliant at living by myself, I need you and all you are.  I’m not alone in this, but together with you.

Put me to what you will,

Now, I know I think that I know best much of the time.  I have my agenda and I try and move things along by it.  But if it’s not about me, I have to allow you to do what you will.  I have to trust you.  This is scary.  You know I am a control freak.  But so much that I know is coming I know I cannot do.  So the only way is your way, holding tightly to you.

rank me with whom you will;

This is hard.  I have such strong opinions.  I know I am judgmental. And shy.  But you call me to live alongside others.  Those who may not be of my choosing, who find me difficult to be with, but we occupy the same space.  Lord help me to learn from those who are not like me.  May they smooth the rough edges of my life, show me more of you, more of life.  Together may we be stronger for you.

put me to doing,

O Lord, you know how I love doing…

put me to suffering;

…and yet I can’t.  That makes me suffer.  I know you are with me always, but am I brave enough, strong enough to go through the pain and struggle that life holds.  However hard and strong I seem, will I make it?  But then that’s why we’re in it together.

let me be employed for you,

Lord, let me be used for you in the way you need for me.  The particular way that you need me to be, the places I can go.  I want to be used for you – widen my horizons to see and to go; even…

or laid aside for you,

so often this is how life feels.  I am watching from the sidelines, viewing others doing what I long to be doing again.  Sitting this game out.  Lord, let that be OK.  May I find something new, some new strength, some inner peace.  May I stop fighting and be content to sit and wait.

exalted for you,

I’m not looking to be exalted Lord.  I’m not interested in position or rank.  If people see anything in me, I want them to see you – your purpose and your power.

or brought low for you;

But I guess I’m not very good at being lowly either.  I like to think that I at least matter.  So help me to see that my worth to you is what counts – not in what I do or achieve, not in any power I may think I have or ways that I think that I am better.  Let me just be, what I am, what you ask of me – and be content in that.

let me be full,

Lord, I may think that I have little, am badly done to or struggle more than is fair; but in reality I have so much.  May I find gratitude and remember hope and love…

let me be empty,

…and when I feel empty may I rest in you, allow you to pick me up.  May I be empty of anything that holds me back, but not so hollow I fail to feel and love.

let me have all things,
let me have nothing:

Because everything I have comes from you.  I do not deserve or have rights to anything, no more than every other person in this world.

I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things
to your pleasure and disposal.

And that is so hard.  Can I truly say that, or am I immediately thinking how I want you to work that out?!  I have no idea what today, tomorrow, this year or the rest of life will hold; but I long to allow you to hold it, to take care of what needs caring for, to find solutions if they are needed, or help me to live with the questions and inconsistencies, the pain, the struggle, the fear – in and with you.

And now, glorious and blessed God,
Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
you are mine and I am yours. So be it.

Thank you that I am yours, that you do hold me tight, care for me, carry me when I need it; go before and behind me.
And the covenant now made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven.’

Posted in calling, community, faith, God, hope, life, love, Religion, theology
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New Year

•December 31, 2014 • 1 Comment

2014-06-02 20.24.04

As the year turns over,
I find myself acutely aware
of life and death,
of despair and hope,
of joy and sorrow,
of pain and promise,
of what has been
and what is to come

So…

“I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”
And he replied:
“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.”

God Knows by Minnie Louise Haskins

Posted in faith, God, hope, life
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Happy Christmas?

•December 28, 2014 • 11 Comments

“Happy Christmas”, the ubiquitous greeting of the season (or even worse “Merry Christmas”).

When did we come by this insistence on being happy in life?

Many people are in a circumstance that is far from happy – but still we think they should be. Especially linked to the ‘perfect’ family Christmas.

But life is not like that.  People are in pain, missing someone, missing anyone, alone, hungry, sad, struggling with bad news or any number of other situations that mean they are not ‘happy’ – but that does not mean Christmas, or more especially God, is not for them or with them – but it doesn’t have to be happy.

Today happens to be the Feast of the Holy Innocents. A Day to recall Herod’s fury at being outwitted by the Magi and God and takes it out on the infants of Bethlehem:

Matthew 2:13-18 (NIV)

The Escape to Egypt

13 When they had gone, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream.“Get up,” he said, “take the child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to search for the child to kill him.”

14 So he got up, took the child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt, 15 where he stayed until the death of Herod. And so was fulfilled what the Lord had said through the prophet: “Out of Egypt I called my son.”

16 When Herod realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to kill all the boys in Bethlehem and its vicinity who were two years old and under, in accordance with the time he had learned from the Magi. 17 Then what was said through the prophet Jeremiah was fulfilled:

18 “A voice is heard in Ramah,

    weeping and great mourning,

Rachel weeping for her children

    and refusing to be comforted,

    because they are no more.”

Rachel is weeping.  She cannot be comforted.  There is no comfort for a child ripped from its parents in whatever circumstances.

Culturally we are rubbish at acknowledging people’s pain and anguish.  We certainly don’t like public displays of it.  Much easier if people could at least play along at being happy.  But that is not acknowledging real life.  Rachel is weeping.  That is how it is.  Real life and emotion are allowed.  There is no sticking plaster, no chivvying to cheer up, she is comfortless.  That is her reality – and it is ok to be so.  A healing will grow, she will be able to live with the raw pain, but not today.  Today is a day of pain and raw emotion.  And God is in that.  He sits with it, with her.  God holds her and all who mourn, and weeps too.  Our pain is God’s pain.

Surely, church should be the one place where we should be able to be real and honest, to open up to how it really is; but we are not much better at it.  We should give space for however people are feeling – bad and good.

Christmas has long been a struggle for me.  I know I am far from the only one.  This year is even worse, the Circle of Life has gone very wonky.  Yes there is hope and promise – but not today.  “Happy Christmas” grates.  Yet to be honest I’m not sure how you phrase it better.

Why do we have to be happy?  Yes I am grateful that God is born in human form, but does that mean I have to be ‘happy’, fixed grin, false jolliness and the lot?  Surely if the good news of God born among us means anything, it means that he is with us in the good times yes, but also in the dross and pain.  That is what the coming of Jesus, and the power of it, means to me – that he is with me however I feel.

I’m with Rachel in her pain.  So are many others.  I’m musing on a culturally acceptable way we can acknowledge that, and get away from the assumption that just because it’s Christmas everyone is having a fabulous time.

So I wish you the ongoing love, hope, peace and comfort of the Christ-child.  God born among us.  God with us – whatever the circumstances we find ourselves in, whatever time of the year.

Thank you Lord
for coming to earth,
for coming to reality,
for experiencing human life,
good,
bad
and indifferent.

Thank you
that your presence is not just for good days,
but for how it is;
that I don’t need to pretend,
or put on a good show
for you,
because you know.

Thank you
for your presence
in happiness and joy,
but also in pain
and weeping.

May I walk
in your presence,
hope,
comfort,
and peace;
and know you with me
whatever the circumstances

Posted in bible, church, disability, faith, God, hope, Jesus, Rants and Ramblings, Religion, theology
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