Alone With God

•March 1, 2020 • Leave a Comment

Alone,
with God,
with myself,
with my demons.

Faced with the stark realities
of my life.

Where do I put my trust,
where do I look for nourishment,
where do I seek validation?

Do I try to live without God?
Filling my life with stuff
that fails to satisfy?

Do I think I can look after myself?
Or trust God to rescue me
when I have got myself into a mess?
Or do I seek him first,
before I jump?

Do I want to test God?
To see how far I can push him?
How far I can go?

Do I put my trust
in the wrong things?
Am I distracted by the shiny,
and lose my focus on God?

Lord,
this lent,
I want to walk with these questions,
to come again
to you.

Deepen my trust,
my faith,
my worship,
my service,
I pray

Matthew 4:1-11 (GNT)

The Temptation of Jesus

Then the Spirit led Jesus into the desert to be tempted by the Devil. After spending forty days and nights without food, Jesus was hungry. Then the Devil came to him and said, “If you are God’s Son, order these stones to turn into bread.”

But Jesus answered, “The scripture says, ‘Human beings cannot live on bread alone, but need every word that God speaks.’”

Then the Devil took Jesus to Jerusalem, the Holy City, set him on the highest point of the Temple, and said to him, “If you are God’s Son, throw yourself down, for the scripture says,

‘God will give orders to his angels about you;
    they will hold you up with their hands,
    so that not even your feet will be hurt on the stones.’”

Jesus answered, “But the scripture also says, ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

Then the Devil took Jesus to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in all their greatness. “All this I will give you,” the Devil said, “if you kneel down and worship me.”

10 Then Jesus answered, “Go away, Satan! The scripture says, ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve only him!’”

11 Then the Devil left Jesus; and angels came and helped him.

Good News Translation (GNT)

Copyright © 1992 by American Bible Society

 

#RareDiseaseDay- My Experience

•February 29, 2020 • Leave a Comment

Today is Rare Disease Day  In the interests of education and sharing information, I decided I would tweet a ‘normal day’ just to give an idea of a day in the life of just one rare disease looks like.  Then I thought I’d make those tweets into a blog to make it easier to share wider.

I was surprised to discover my illness came under the Rare Diseases Unit, but it does.

I don’t sleep well. Apart from,ahem, the obvious results of how much I drink, joint pain and dryness disturb me. At some point during the night I woke up with the inside of my cheek stuck between my teeth – that’s what a dry mouth means. So that’s left a large sore spot in my mouth to contend with. I also wake up in agony(not a word I use lightly) from my sore joints. Mainly my hip. Dry eyes can also wake you up in screeching pain, though the new ointment I’ve got is helpful (but not available on prescription).

First stop when I get up is a drink. I drink all day, usually boiled water as the warmth helps. Then comes a nebuliser for my dry bronchial tubes, an inhaler, tablets that artificially release at least some moisture into my mouth, pain killers and a mucolytic.

Eating is actually really difficult. With limited saliva it is difficult to chew or swallow, anything with rough edges cuts my mouth. If I’m not really careful I choke, which always adds some excitement to the day – and raises the potential for chest infections 😦 

If you don’t have a chronic illness, you may not believe how exhausting having a shower is – even more so washing your hair. But I have to wash my skin with an emollient. I don’t dry myself, just wrap myself in a towel and collapse in a heap somewhere to rest.

When I’ve recovered enough I then have to coat my hands and feet in a strong urea cream. (This makes A Mess and creates a lot of washing) In amongst all this I have to turn the washer on – thought I’d done it last night, but brain fog means I’d set it up, then not turned it on. This kind of thing happens often!

I then need time to recover from getting up. Oh and I have to be very careful what I wear. I struggle with zips and buttons, and seams in the wrong place are a nightmare.

A recent side effect of my meds is my hands shaking, which is adding a whole new excitement and jeopardy to life.

Oh and I forgot cleaning my teeth. My whole mouth is a nightmare caused by the lack of saliva. I have to use special high fluoride toothpaste, but still suffer as teeth aren’t happy without saliva. I have yet another sore tooth that I’m trying not to have extracted. Sprays and gels are available, but the sprays lasts about 30 seconds and the gel tastes disgusting and doesn’t last much longer.

And then there’s eye drops. Despite having punctual plugs (don’t look that up unless you’ve hot a strong constitution!) My eyes are so incredibly dry, which is is very sore. I use eye drops at least every hour, often more. I’m never without a collection of these.

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And the post brings a hospital appointment – of which there are many when you have a multi-systemic #chronicillness.

This is one of my recent finds. An absolute Godsend for my dry nose. Really helps with the stuffiness and bleeding – and consequently the sniffing! Oh – also not available on prescription…

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Saturdays are a bit different to my usual. The lovely Mr W tries to take me to look at a different view and have a coffee. Living in beautiful Derbyshire helps 🙂

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Fresh air is life-enhancing, but exhausting. I do like to walk short distances, but I walk very, very slowly. I struggle with balance, joint pains and my breathing. I use two crutches.

Quick pit stop for the shopping. We buy a lot of pre-prepared foods because energy and cutting peeling are a big problem. We tried grocery delivery, but always ended up having to go out to buy what they’d not brought/ruined.

Now I’m going to sleep. If I don’t sleep for a reasonable amount of time in an afternoon I am useless. My balance gets worse the more tired I am and I can get very shaky.

Afternoon meds – more painkillers and mucolytes.

Evening meal, we call it tea up here 😉  As well as sore thumb and finger joints my hands have a nasty habit of spasming. This cutlery really helps me still being able to deal with some food myself. Otherwise the lovely Mr W cuts it for me.

*I forgot to say in my tweets, most food is pretty tasteless without saliva, which can make eating a necessary chore – but the company is good!

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I’ll finish off the rest of how my evening is likely to go now, before I fall asleep! I’ll likely snooze on the sofa, followed by nebuliser, inhaler, painkillers, mucolyte and more urea cream. Night time eye ointment and as a special treat on Saturdays and Wednesdays I have Steroid cream too.

Thanks to everyone for their interest today. I hope its shown how one #RareDisease #chronicillness plays out and effects life. All the maintenance is exhausting – on top of the disease itself.

There’s not much interest in developing drugs for #raredisease because the take up of such drugs would be so small due to rarity. I’m not sure what the answer to that is. But it would be nice if those things that are available to others with chronic illness are open to us.

Reflection and Communion for The Beginning of Lent

•February 27, 2020 • 3 Comments

This was what we did at our housegroup this morning.

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A moment to pause and reflect

Lent is a time for reflection, for confession, for honesty before God.  It is an opportunity also to seek God’s forgiveness – and receive it, deep into our heart and mind; to know that those things that trouble us, and those we are barely aware of but affect us deeply, can be dealt with by God; and to receive his peace.

Ashes are a way to show sorrow, a physical sign of an inner reality.

Ashes mark penitence and mourning, an acknowledgement of and sorrow at our wrongdoing.

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Daniel 9:2-7a

We go through life.  We think we’re doing ok – not a bad job all things considered.  Or we don’t even have time to stop and think about it.  We are busy just surviving, getting to the next thing, trying to hold everything together.

But sometimes we are pulled up short.  We realise we have got something badly wrong, or just a little bit wrong, and we have to stop and think.  We need to apologise, put right what we have got wrong and receive forgiveness.  Though often the hardest person to forgive is ourselves.

Lent is a specific opportunity to do that thinking.  To take the time to purposely reflect before God on the reality that is our life.

Burning,
cleansing God,
I come before you today;
I want to take this time
to remember,
to honestly recall,
to examine my life
in your presence;
to ask myself
if I live up to all you ask of me,
day by day,
heartbeat by heartbeat,
in every corner of my life.

Lord,
I come before you in shame,

In penitence,
to say that I am truly sorry.

My life is not what you would have it be,
I have not lived as the person you called me to be,
I have got some things very wrong.

As I think of the ashes,
the dirt and the dust,
I see the darkness in my life;
I rub my hands in it
and see and feel the stain…

20200227_111918

Forgive me,
I pray.

Thank you
that you promise forgiveness
and give it freely.

This day may I go,
marked by you,
forgiven,
restored
and free?

In and through

Your love

~~~

20200227_094558

Bread,
an everyday staple,
nothing flash,
just what was there
on the table
amongst us.

Then he took it,
made it something incredibly special,
turned it into something that would remind us of him,
– each time
we took it
and ate.

Something always with us,
always using,
a daily part of our diet,
now reminds us of Jesus,
his time among us
and his presence with us now.

~~~

The body of Christ
Broken for me

Broken,
torn,
bleeding,
hurting.

Broken like me.

The body of Christ
Broken for me

~~~

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Wine,
rich,
red,
flowing,
warming,
deep within,
his presence
here now.

In me,
with me,
through me,
from him.

I am invited to take,
to eat,
to remember
who,
what
and why
this has become a symbol
his love
poured out
for me,
for us,
for a world in need.

I am invited to take.

Urged to share.

And may God bless us –
those we love and care
those who we live amongst
today
and always

Amen